He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
