nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
