Girls should come with a carfax report
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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