I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
