I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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