i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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