When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
