His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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