At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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