I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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