I will die if light touches me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
