There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
