I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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