I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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