wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
