some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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