We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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