she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
