Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
