You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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