Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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