I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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