oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
