I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
