Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
