idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
