All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
