Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
