so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My vagina just recognized that song.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
