so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
