I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
