it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
