Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
