Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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