just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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