Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
