Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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