Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
