I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
