Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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