Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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