Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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