someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
