I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have aggressive nipples.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
