I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only a mothe r could love this liver
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
PANTIES FOUND
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
