even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
