I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
