I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
