dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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