He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
