I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
