wrigley field is MILF paradise
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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