Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
