Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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