I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
