Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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