I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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