This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
