I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
