Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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