8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
