You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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