You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
