I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize