So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
