I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize