rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
