Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
