i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
