I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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