I must be too annoying 4 u.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
