how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
soo... how was my night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
