ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
