can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
