you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
