so explain again why im purple
no
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize