Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
