Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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