The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
