elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
