Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
